Outburst #004: The art of being a troll


I was recently having a conversation with Arma, who reminded me of a time I trolled itzhakkim over the phone. The memory brought back wide smiles so I thought I’d briefly recount the story.

For those of you who are not entirely familiar with the term (though I’m sure most of you are), trolling typically involves inflammatory, extraneous, or off-topic comments in an online community. Trolling, however, is not limited to the interweb. Trolling in real life can similarly be considered as merely annoying someone repeatedly in the same manner for no particular reason. The end goal for me, though was to illicit an amusing emotional response from the person who I was calling.

It was probably the week before finals were about to start, and I was waiting with heywire for itzhakkim to get dinner at the dining hall. The appointed time came and went, so I quickly called itzhakkim on his cell. The phone rang several times before he picked up.

itzhakkim:  “Hey! Sorry, I’m running late. I’m driving [Arma] to the A-School to turn in his project.”
zuangster:
itzhakkim:  “Hello?”
zuangster:
itzhakkim:  “Hey, [zuangster]!”
zuangster:
itzhakkim:  “Are you there?
zuangster:
itzhakkim:  “Hello-o-o?”
zuangster:
[itzhakkim hangs up]

The moment the call ends, I double tab the call button and redial itzhakkim’s number.

itzhakkim:  “Yo, did you disconnect?”
zuangster:
itzhakkim:  “…”
zuangster:
itzhakkim:  “Say something!”
zuangster:
itzhakkim:  “[zuangster]!?
zuangster:
itzhakkim:  “…dude…seriously, say something!”
zuangster:
itzhakkim:  “Why do you hate me???”
zuangster:
itzhakkim:  “Gaaaaah~”
[itzhakkim hangs up]

Rinse. Repeat.

itzhakkim:  “Hello?”
zuangster:
itzhakkim:  “OH MY GOD, [zuangster] WHAT’S UP WITH YOU?!!”
zuangster:
itzhakkim:  “OK. Fine.”
[itzhakkim hangs up]

Obviously, I’m trying to condition itzhakkim to a level where we can communicate without speaking. If you look closely at my silent responses, each answer has a subtle inflection in voice that indicates the flow of conversation. If you can’t see it, I don’t blame you. It’s a skill that takes time to develop.

Itzhakkim didn’t pick up the following phone call, but I would not let him off the hook.

itzhakkim:  “…WHAT?!?!”
zuangster:
itzhakkim:  “I’m sorry I’m late! I needed to drive [Arma] to the a-school. We’re still turning in his project. Gaaaaaaah~”
zuangster:
itzhakkim:  “Why aren’t you responding???”
zuangster:
itzhakkim:  “Aigoo~”
[itzhakkim hangs up]

It took about four more tries, but itzhakkim finally said what I was looking for.

itzhakkim:  “[zuangster]…why are you calling me and not saying anything..>”
zuangster:
itzhakkim:  “We’re almost done here. I’ll be there in about 5-10 minutes.”
[zuangster hangs up]

So heywire and I waited for another 15 minutes. Masses of students were walking by, and even some, who arrived after we did, were already leaving, full from their nourishing dinner. I could smell all the food from upstairs waft down the atrium and up my nostrils. I decided that perhaps itzhakkim didn’t get it so I dialed him.

Friendships can exist on different levels and sometimes multiple ones at the same time. In an attempt to level up our relationship, I employed the voiceless phone calls to sensitize itzhakkim to my silent inclinations during conversations. Fortunately, after the following dozen of phone calls, itzhakkim gained enough experience points and leveled up. Though it wasn’t enough to evolve into his more advanced form, he learned a new move called “synchronization,” which, when used, enables the user to understand another individual (typically the trainer) regardless of any barrier that exists between the two.

When itzhakkim arrived at the dining hall, he appropriately showed how upset he was and nearly tried to strangle me out of frustration.

Did I mention I was laughing the entire time?

Join the discussion 3 Comments

  • Isaac Kim says:

    Hahahah I can’t believe you posted this. It’ll be something I’ll never forget about our shenanigans. I don’t think I’ll ever level up to be a psychic though. Also, HAHAHAHA how are people supposed to look closely at the subtly of your silence in this? It’s just empty white space, although I completely understand what you’re saying 😉 And I was not upset, just flustered because I was so confused lol.

    But I forgive you because you’re one of my closest friends. *Silence* (<— Do you understand what I'm saying? :P)

  • heywire says:

    may I just add that it was incredibly amusing to watch zuangster giggle to himself during every single phone call? it was the most gleeful I’ve ever seen him.

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